Written on my iPad from my chair. If you are reading this in email, you might want to click through to the blog for a better corrected version.
After a most lovely start to the year with Allan’s birthday party of January second, on Wednesday the third, I thought I had woken up with a mild case of hives. We went to Astoria to the social security office to try to sort out the troubles with Allan’s Medicare. They were closed. I burst into tears of frustration because the insurance problems for both of us had me feeling deeply afraid. I recovered my composure (surely to the relief of poor Allan) and felt just fine shopping, a task that usually enervates me unless it is for plants.
On Thursday the fourth, I woke with a fever and went into a panic that I’d been contagious with flu during Allan’s party. I imagined everyone getting it and hating me. I could not go to the social security office with Allan and stayed in bed rather than having our planned pleasant afternoon outing in Astoria. As it turned out, while I was sleeping the day away, Allan went back and forth to the social security office twice. Their computer failed and he still did not have Medicare.
By the time he returned, I felt I needed to get medical help. Somehow I figured out I probably had shingles. The clinic could not fit me in till Monday, and the emergency room costs $250. Allan spent over an hour on the phone telling the insurance company that I have paid, even though they seemed to have forgotten who I am. They finally said to just have the clinic call them to be assured that I am indeed insured. By then, the clinic was closed.
On Friday the fifth, we walked into the clinic and threw ourselves on their mercy. They were unable to ascertain my insurance on their computer but did fit me in to see a nurse, which would cost $60 co pay rather than $250 co pay across the parking lot at the hospital. And a good thing, too, as she prescribed the seven day heavy dose of anti virtual medicine that you must start taking 72 hours after shingles begins. A lab test would confirm shingles or not, but the drug could not wait. Our insurance broker made a call and was told my insurance had expired Dec 31 and that I had not paid. We emailed a screen shot of the canceled check.
Allan’s photo of the storm flags at the port shows that we were not missing out on good weather.
In the evening, Allan suddenly fell very ill with a gastrointestinal ailment over which I will draw a veil except to say that I had to rise to the occasion and help before collapsing into a fevered bed. I fretted that it was party food poisoning and that other attendees would get it and hate us. This proved not to be the case. I feel sure that this had something to do with a fast food lunch during his second visit to the social security office, making it all of a piece with our insurance woes.
I believe the stress of being seemingly uninsured brought on my shingles. It is so stressful because I have been self employed for over forty years, much of that time buying medical insurance with huge deductibles, insurance that during my fifties cost 1/3 of my income, always with the worry that illness could prevent working, lack of working could prevent paying the insurance, and medical bills could cost the loss of my home and garden. This is the reality for many people in the United States. It is quite possibly the main reason I am a hypochondriac. Having been a responsible health insurance buyer for decades, to have us both be facing an apparent though improbable lack of insurance at once (due to bureaucratic failures on the side of the providers) was appalling to me.
On Saturday the sixth, I saw this when I awoke.
I was able to sit in my chair and read. Allan was still weak and in bed. Our dear friend Jenna brought us groceries fit for the sick: bananas, chicken soup, white soft bread, applesauce. I joined a shingles forum and immediately learned of the worst cases: recurring outbreaks for years, losing an eye, ruined lives. Have I mentioned I am a hypochondriac? A friend advised me to run from the forum and I pretty much did and turned to finishing East of Eden, which I had been reading in small amounts for the previous two days.
How very much I identify with this…
And this about not judging someone by their money:
And a story ahead of its time in insight about a girl who wanted to be a boy:
On Sunday the seventh, three days into the heavy medicine and five days into shingles, I had an icepick headache the likes of which, despite years of migraines, I had never experienced. Finally in the afternoon I was able to rise from bed, beat the pain back with ice held onto the top of my head with a scarf, and read. By then, Allan was well enough to help me with soup and ice packs. (He had spent part of the day on the phone with my insurance company, who seemed to be admitting that I had indeed paid.)
Upon people reading her hacked emails:
On idealism vs cynicism (a speech she gave as First Lady):
And some of her favourite quotations, used as chapter dividers:
After reading her memoir, I find her to be kind, compassionate, self-deprecating, and someone who would be a wonderful friend (and would have been a competent, caring, and intelligent president).
The next day, Monday, was one of misery, two different kinds of shockingly terrible headaches, and being unable to rise from a bed of a 101 degree fever. I received a call that my lab test was positive for shingles.
Desperate to read something other than news and Facebook on my phone, I managed in the evening a cartoon book, and even that was hard to hold up because I was so weak. I photographed the two most apropos cartoons the following day when I was again able to rise from bed to chair.
(Those who have been to our house know that my walls are like this.)
The next day, the ninth, I tried to read Let Us Now Praise Famous Men, a book referred to in my various readings about the Great Depression.
I liked and identified with the description of Agee in the foreword:
But I simply could not get through 400 pages of this:
I turned to lighter reading, simply happy to be in my chair rather than bed, with Allan up and about and feeling better. Both Jenna and J9 had brought us groceries twice. It seemed that soon Allan would be able to hunt and gather for us. I was grateful for rainy weather so that I did not feel I was missing out on winter gardening joys.
If only I could have refrained from asking Dr Google about the terrifying side affects of my heavy 5x daily doses of anti viral medicine, each time finding more horror stories about lives destroyed by shingles. (I long for the new vaccine, which I can take when this is over. The old vaccine was only 51 percent effective. The new one is 90 percent and may help people who’ve already had this malady once.) Between scaring myself half to death while seeking simple information from Dr Google, I took solace for the next three days in 500 small print pages of the world of a droll Englishman.
I felt that the accompanying heavy dose of the medicine for nerve pain (gabapentin) was not improving my reading and writing skills.
He’s sometimes startlingly xenophobic and yet I cannot help but love him. More on this book in my next post.
Even the least scary shingles info says it is best that I rest for at least three more weeks. It takes a long time to get over. Fortunately, I have a large stack of books and if the weather stays bad, I’ll be doing what I otherwise would have been doing on staycation. I hope fairly soon to find the energy to sit in a desk chair and do the retrospective blog posts that I had planned for this month.
During these days, when he was feeling better, Allan took photos of cats. Don’t try the string play at home. It can be dangerous for cats to swallow string.
As I write this, it is January 13th and I still do not have an insurance card, nor has our account online changed to show me as currently insured.
So sorry to read about your battles in health and against bureaucracy. But at least you have books and cats — two sure cures for anything!
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Thank you. Calvin wins the most helpful cat award for snuggling up when I was sick in bed.
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I’m so terribly sorry. We have been self employed for the last 30 years and so I know the extreme expense of individual policies. And shingles is a horrible condition. I’m glad you didn’t delay. I have friends who had months and months of recovery. Where did it affect you? Best wishes for yours and Allan’s recovery.
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Thank you.
It is wrapped from my upper chest around and under my upper arm to my upper back on my right side, hurts worst under arm, as you can imagine. Worst case scenario is to get it on one’s face because it can get in one’s eye. !!!!!I was lucky this time. I think the acyclovir has “malaise” as a side effect and I spent repeated hypochondriacal episodes imagining going half blind. Fortunately for my mental stability, I finished that particular pill after seven days. Even with the antiviral meds, it can be months of recovery. I hope I am one of the lucky ones.
Self employment is like a race with the possible finish line (Allan’s social security) a year away. I don’t want to have to retire that soon. I love my work. Health care is a scary race with Medicare two years away for me; with Medicare, I would be allowed to see specialists in Astoria. My insurance has cut me off from the many specialty medical options (and the urgent care clinic and the eye clinic!!) just 2O minutes away in Oregon.
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Good to read your blog again. I was worried you were sick and you were. And Allan, too. Double whammy. You work so hard, you and Allan deserve a long rest, not a tussle with bureaucracy. So glad to know you have a pile of books. And good friends to deliver groceries. Hope the computer and phones hold up and the troubles have ended. You have along slow road to recovery. Do it.
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Thank you. You are insightful. Mr and Mrs Tootlepedal have had the flu at the same time. He managed to keep blogging though!
My book pile looks delicious. Thank all that is holy that this did not happen during work season. If bad weather continues for three weeks, I’ll be able to rest. Today was nice and that had me twitchy.
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You look so sad and helpless reading in your chair. It is good you are sheltered and cared for by loved one and cats. I too am concerned about the cost of being sick. Our current administration makes me feel vulnerable and insecure. I hope you are feeling better this evening. Thank you for expending the energy to share.
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Thank you. That photo was on the second worst day. I am free of the headaches and able to enjoy reading now. Makes such a difference.
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PS. I didn’t know I was going to look that sad. 😉 I thought the ice on head holding method was interesting. I tend to look tragic anyway.
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This all sounds awful ! I do hope your insurance and health problems sort themselves out soon.
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Thank you. It could be worse!
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I hope it doesn’t get worse !
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Thank you. Seems to slowly be getting better.
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Oh no, Skyler, I am so sorry. I hope you are able to get over it soon. It is so nice you have Allan, friends and your cats (especially Calvin) to help you through this. A pile of books may help, too! Please take care. Debbie
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Thank you, Debbie. Just so glad it happened during reading season rather than gardening season.
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Wishing you better health and relief from the torment of shingles in the future, and quickly. Take it easy and don’t push it. Stupid damn insurance company. So sorry Allan was sick with a tummy bug too. I had something similar to him right on New Year’s Day, it takes a few days to feel human again, and then a while to get your appetite back (I lost 3 pounds — mostly water — in 24 hours). You are both so lucky to have so many good friends to help take care of you.
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Thanks, Alison. That tummy bug was a doozie, sorry you had it. He’s got his energy back by 75% now and better each day. We are indeed lucky in friends.
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Bad kitties!
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I’ve had a bad case of shingles that wasn’t diagnosed soon enough to take any medication during my shingles. It was the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life (and I had two babies naturally no drugs) and I got through it with no adverse effects. Please don’t read those horror stories. You can get through it like I did with no ill after effects. Start thinking positive. I too was self employed and it didn’t take three weeks after the shingles were gone to have my energy back. Start seeing yourself healthy and vibrant and ready to get on with your life. Visualize your horrible insurance dilema being all straightened out. You have some wonderful friends who love you and were there for you so feel deep gratitude and joy for all of the wonderful possitve and joyful things in your life and begin your healing. Hope you heal quickly I wish you nothing but the best.
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Thank you ever so much for your wonderful story. It is very helpful to me. I’ve been working on that very thing mentally today.
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Dr. Google and cousin Web M.D. can be quite frightening! I’m so sorry to hear that your new year is starting this way. On the bright side, it can only get better from here. Wishing you a rapid recovery.
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Thank you, Peter!
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I am so very sorry to hear of your shingles and that Allan has been I’ll. Shingles are horrible. I’ve not experienced them first hand but have a friend who did. From my favorite natural remedies book,Folk Remedies That Work, by Joan Wilen and Lydia Wilen, it says: raw honey on lesions, the oil of vitamin e on lesions, bee propolis in liquid form on lesions, fresh leek juice on lesions, elderflower tea to drink, 4 times per day. Sending good vibes your way for a speedy recovery. Getting older is not for sissies, I can tell you!
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Thanks! Thanks for the reminder of the getting old quotation, too, as it is one I like and had forgotten.
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Oh no, so sorry to hear that both of you have had a rough health start to the year.
Insurance issues of any kind are a hassle, but medical insurance adds an extra layer of anxiety. Made worse if you are also ill whilst trying to sort it out.
I hope your recovery is speedy, aided by your wonderful circle of food delivering and caring friends. A stack of good books, the sound of rain falling to make you feel snug indoors, hot mugs of tea, and a few cat cuddles.
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Thank you! The weather is sunny and 65 today. I look forward to the rains return so I can rest without feeling twitchy about my garden.
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What a nightmare for you both. It is inexplicable to us that there are politicians here who see the US health system as a model which we should follow. You really make me hope that my recent (free) shingles immunisation works well as i wouldn’t like to share your pain at all!
Don’t rush your recovery. I have had friends with shingles and it is just not worth trying to push it.
Lost of good vibes from us both to you.
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Thank you so much, Mr T. Your words are most comforting.
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P.S. I hope you got the new vaccine, Shingrix. It’s a two shot vaccine that is supposed to be much better.
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I am sorry to hear you and Allen have both been ill, and with insurance woes on top of that! I know well the cost of the E.R.
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Thank you, and I’m sorry you have to share the knowledge of outrageous co pays at the emergency room. I believe those costs endanger people by keeping them from seeking needed emergency care. The co pay was just $100 about three years ago. 😦
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