Although staycation proper doesn’t really begin until I have some steady uninterrupted time at home, I managed, among assorted holiday outings, to get started on my staycation reading. Here are some takeaways.
Toil and Trouble by Augusten Burroughs
In Burroughs’ new memoir about being a witch, I appreciate and relate to all of his words about his chronic anxiety.
and
and
I identify more with his husband, Christopher, when it comes to material possessions.
While describing a book about magick, Burroughs has this to say:
And this is an excellent way to navigate the world:
Year of the Monkey by Patti Smith
Listening to the album Horses, which I checked out of the library when I was 22 years old, changed the course of my 20s and 30s by setting me on a trajectory toward punk rock. If not for Patti, I might not have met pretty much everyone I knew between age 25 and 35.
Her personal story continues with her third memoir, this one written as she is about to turn 70.
……
When I started following Patti’s Instagram, I was pleased to see her still wearing clothing with raggedy sleeves.
I think if her every time I wear my favourite long back sweater with raveled sleeves out of the house to public events.
What she wrote about libraries reminded me of the forty block round trip that I used to walk from my childhood home to the Green Lake branch of the Seattle Public Library.
……
The prevailing theme of the book was the death of two friends, one of them also an ex-lover. I did not know that within a week, I would hear of the death of an old friend and lover of mine. I sort of wish I had read this book right afterward. Clearly, because I saved takeaways on the subject of loss, the subject already spoke to me…a function of age. I knew that fairly soon I would reach the age where friends were dying. I already knew of two, but had not yet lost an old friend whose death sent me reeling. Now I have, but to write about that here would be getting ahead of the narrative flow.
“I still keep thinking something wonderful is about to happen.”
Here is an image to keep ourselves hoping, about having seen a performance by Belinda Carlisle (of The Go-Gos) on a telly show.
Good and Mad by Rebecca Traister
I read this excellent history book between memoirs.
Something both discouraging and hopeful in our times:
It’s one of the better political books I have read; I recommend it.
The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr
Memoirs have become my favourite genre. I haven’t read any of Mary Karr’s, but I will after this book. The Liar’s Club is now on my table in my stack of library books.
One of Karr’s main themes is how to tell the truth. I’m disappointed to read this about Vivian Gornick. I loved her memoir The Odd Woman and the City.
…..
I want the truth. When I write a blog post, I don’t even like to switch the order of daily jobs to improve the narrative.
But memories are tricky.
One of my first memories is standing in the arched doorway between my grandma’s kitchen and breakfast nook while my step-grandfather, whom I loved and called “Bumpy” for some reason, tried to make my grandmother take a handgun from him. He shouted, “Just take it! Just shoot me!” and I cried, “Bumpy, stop! no!” I see it so clearly…but do I remember it or did Gram tell me about it? My next memory, though, is crystal clear: I am at my uncle’s house, where Bumpy was staying. I was watching him in the mirror while he shaved with tears running down his face through the shaving foam. Later, I understood the story behind the events: he had come home drunk from a fishing trip and had hit her, and she had told him to leave.
On telling the whole painful truth:
On why memoirs are so mesmerizing:
……
Mary Karr has excellent advice on how to use language that gets one as close to the truth as possible, especially when remembering long ago conversations.
Next, and coincidentally related to Patti Smith’s book, a memoir about life after 60.
So much in this post!
I recently learned that a tell each other anything and everything best friend of mine had passed away a few years ago. Friends through school, college, and through our mid twenties. We both let the friendship go because his spouse did not like me, and mine did not like him. Fools that we were. I have never been able to even come close to replacing the connectivity of that friendship, and I wonder if he ever did. Regret is so much worse as you age, as you either lose the ability to correct, or the time to do so.
“What is the actuality? I mean whose business is it?”
Hah, quite the line when you are talking about a memoir!
But I do understand how you can confuse being told something with what you think is a memory. I have caught my sister doing this, where she has repeated a family memory I have shared, years later as her memory. And no amount of eyebrow raised incredulous looks from me will change her belief that the past event happened to her not me.
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There were some excellent passages in The Art of Memoir about family members having differing memories!
I am still in shock over the untimely death of my old friend. 67 seems way too young. I will be doing a post about him, still trying to decide how much to say.
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Lucky you to have all these great books to read. (This is a tight season money-wise so my budget doesn’t have room for books at the moment.)
I, too, want memoirs that are truthful and of course, most readers will never know for certain whether the truth was embellished. (My sister’s biographical book is truthful, but it leaves so much of interest out. Perhaps that’s because the subjects of the book are still living, and I guess you can’t write the bad stuff without repercussions, plus the family likes to pretend they are perfect.-Ha!)
As to friends dying, I’ve lost too many who died at a very young age–19, 25, 40, 63… I will never forget any of them. You might consider making a garden memorial for your old friend—plant a special tree/shrub or erect a small statue that would have meaning to both you and that friend. I honor all of my deceased friends with several strings of bells.
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Those memorial ideas are excellent and comforting. Thank you.
I am fortunate to have an excellent library with a great interlibrary loan option, because I could not afford to buy all the books I read!
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