Saturday, 9 January 2021
Even though the weather was dry, it was too cold to garden. I was excited to continue to read my newest interlibrary loan, a biography of Dodie Smith. But first, we went to The Basket Case Greenhouse to get a couple of bags of potting soil in case I have any plant sale potting up to do. I like to buy my soil there (by appointment at this time of year) because I can do so totally outdoors.
Not only did we get to visit with Roxanne, I also got to see the cute feline resident.
I could look at the friendly little tabby but not touch because of Covid precautions.
Back at home, we had an audience while walking by the south Catio to put the potting soil in the trash cans by the greenhouse.
I’m reading two books at once. The interlibrary loan is fragile so I only want to read it in my comfy chair. For bedtime reading, I started a book of essays by one of my favorite mystery writers, Laura Lippman.
In the first section of her essays, she promises thoughts about friendship, a subject I always find fascinating.
This is particularly interesting to me, since I consider myself a mediocre in-person friend in the past few years. There seems to be nothing I like as well as being at home either reading, writing, or working on a project. I like to compartmentalize friendships into the times that I choose, which is not very generous. I have even gotten written messages (two) on the topic of why I am so hard to be friends with. What’s even worse, I stopped reading when I realized what the subject matter was. So maybe Laura Lippman could offer me some insight.
I was especially looking forward to the essay about the end of a friendship. It turned out to be about the experience of being ghosted: “Again, I thought about my living ghost and her inevitable disapproval.” Occasionally, a ghost from my past comments disapprovingly on my blog (comments that I catch and remove in the approval process), and there might even be two ghosts who visit it occasionally. That thought often makes me erase whole paragraphs of writing that I suddenly feel is too personal. In fact, I just now wrote and deleted two paragraphs that I rather liked. Laura Lippman is a lot gutsier; she even knows that her ghost will see the essay but she had it published anyway.
It is a comfort to know that Laura Lippman, too, spent time trying to analyze what happened with her ghost. (I used to have three, but one rematerialized!)
Laura Lippman also has interesting and accurate thoughts about social media. About friends who avoid it: “I would love to be like, say, my friend Andre Dubus III, who uses a flip phone and is vividly, insistently present in the world. I start the day by checking my email; Andre reads a poem.”
And…
Dodie Smith referred to her many friendships that were carried on by letter writing as “paper friendships”. The modern version of that is what I call my “imaginary friends” online.
I look forward to reading more of My Life as a Villainess” when late Sunday evening comes.
Sunday, 10 January 2021
Changing back to the subject of cats, Skooter seemed to be feeling perky and peppy this morning and went outside at nine. He did not reappear until two thirty PM Sunday, the next day. We were worried. It’s unlike him to not come in at night. (He regained his freedom by being utterly obnoxious and sleep-depriving for nights on end, so that by dividing the house into two sections, he now has a cat door to freedom while the kittens are sequestered at night to the back two rooms and back Catio.)
He is the third most difficult of the many cats I have had.
Our neighbor, Jessika, had not seen him, even though he has taken to entering her garage at night and sitting on the dryer, hissing. He has carried his war with neighbor cat Onyx into Onyx’s own territory, after years of Onyx coming over here (but never into our house).
Finally, on Sunday, he returned at 1:30 PM, bedraggled, muddy, growling, hungry and grumpy.
Why so muddy?
Eventually, he sat on my lap and purred….after Faerie was removed and locked into the back rooms. This is more like the sweet cat he can be, as shown in the photo below from December 2020.
I long to get him to vet for some tests to see what is making him so upset. A sore tooth perhaps? An upset stomach? His disapproval of the new cats should be dissipating, not getting worse. We must wait three weeks because of the vet being mostly closed due to a Covid quarantine situation. Unless it becomes a clear emergency, then I’m pretty sure they will somehow fit us in.
Before he came home and relieved our worries, I took a walk though out the cold and wet garden calling and looking for him, remembering to take the good camera. Those photos will be tomorrow’s post, without so many words.
Glad Skooter came back. I sympathize with dealing with a difficult cat. We have one of our own, also an orange cat, whose habits have become so bad that we are seriously considering whether we want another cat when he shuffles off to cat heaven. We shall see. Our house is a mouse magnet, and the cats really help with that.
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I did not realize you had more than the one nice cat. I had considered having Skooter and Jazmin be our last cats. Then when Jazmin disappeared last spring (Before Catios), Skooter seemed bereft and lonely and yowled pathetically so much that….kittens. Oh, how I thought he would like them, and maybe he would have if we had been able to get them as three months old little harmless puffballs instead of having to wait two months (ringworm quarantine) till they were adolescents. But yes, the words “NO MORE CATS!” had been heard in this house.
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I have a flip phone, and it is amazing how my lack of constant internet connectivity annoys other people. My sister gave me her old phone so I would get connected. My daughter nags me…”it would be so much better…”.
I have discovered though, you do get ghosted if you are not on social media platforms like FB. And funny how that seems to be a female thing, as the s/o never faces that with his friends, even though his online social participation is less than mine.
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I think you are absolutely right. Years ago, when someone who had figured large in this blog ghosted me by blocking me on FB, I was devastated. I can see her house from my house fergodsake. Because of things that were going on with her, I was (truly) a minor issue and did not feel it was appropriate to try to sort it out, and then it just got so bad (mean words get around in a small town) that I gave up. But at the time, I realized that none of my male friends ever had had situations like that, before or after FB. And THEN I realized that none of my straight male friends had close friendships where they talked about personal stuff. Bryan, for example, had male friends he hung out with a lot but all they talked about was cars. 😹. My gay male friends seemed to have closer friendships. But they don’t seem to ghost each other. This is my very unscientific study.
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Gads! I get the same hassling! It is as if I have nothing better to do than look at stoooopid pictures that may colleague feels like taking . . . . whenever he has nothing better to do.
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I am glad to hear Skooter came back. The muddiness makes me wonder if he was hiding under a house somewhere. The skirting on the old doublewide we lived in was barely put together, and had gaps.I remember having to crawl under there to check out some piping and finding lots of cat manure, much of it looked mummified, from many generations of feral cats using the crawl space as a refuge. One even gave birth under there, which is where two of our present cats came from.
It can take a cat a long time to get over a grudge. I hope Skooter checks out as healthy, and you do not have any worries in that department. Valerian cat toys maybe? They are supposed to be soothing. I haven’t tried them yet, but had planned to try them on our Nod kitty, who is very territorial and jealous of the older cats. Another thought, a continuously playing recording of purring?
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Those are good ideas. I was trying to group scent brushing but I wonder if it made him angrier. Valerian toys sound brilliant. I will find and order one today. When we take him in, either in three weeks or in an emergency, i have several concerns. His meow is quieter, which makes me wonder if his mouth or throat hurt. He’s eating lots of soft food but might be off the crunchies. Should he maybe have some kitty Prozac?
I do think he might have been under Allan’s shed or the neighbor’s little cottage but he was clearly miserable so there was some reason he did not come home.
I was thinking today that he is THE most difficult cat I’ve ever had. I had two female cats who got mad and moved out but they became adamant 100% no question about it outside cats who climbed the walls if brought inside and it was emotionally easier to deal with than Skooter’s backing and forthing. Also, none of the other cats sprayed inside…although he seems to be over that, thank gawd.
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The eating problems sound like tooth issues, especially with avoiding crunchies. Bacteria from rotten teeth can travel, and like humans, can cause problem elsewhere in the body. Kidney function is another suspect, especially if he is older or has come into contact with lilies or has had a on-going UTI. Good luck, I am rooting for him.
This site in the U.K covers kidney issues as well as related conditions, and is a good place for information.
https://www.felinecrf.org/
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Oh, poor Skooter. You must have been so relieved when he finally returned.
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I was. I was already imagining just never knowing what happened to him. We have kept him in now for 24 hours. He’s not too terribly mad about it because it’s cold and pouring rain, although he has asked repeatedly to go out.
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I hope whatever is ailing Skooter turns out to be easily fixed and not serious. I can empathize since one of my dogs was seriously ill at Thanksgiving and spent the night at the vet. At these times, you wish your dog/cat could speak.”Hey, I have a headache and my jaw hurts. Can you help?”
I am interested in what more Laura Lippman has to say about friendships…
I ended a 40 y/o paper friendship a few years ago. VERY difficult. We wrote each other 12-page letters and confided in each other about everything. BUT, and this was so very hard, I learned her 2nd husband was a convicted pedophile (never met him) and that he was spending lots of time with my friend’s 11 y/o grand daughter (unrelated to him). His conviction was for contact with a 10 y/o girl. My friend knew this, but said her man was innocent. He told her so. By law, even though I didn’t know for sure anything was going on, I turn them in..
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You did the right thing, but it must have been a very painful situation. It’s hard to imagine a worse friendship situation to have been in.
My three long term friends live hours or states away. I joke that we are still friends cuz they don’t have to put up with me in person. I was much more social till I got dumped by a little local group of queen bees and learned to love solitude even more than I did before. Is like I tried to fit in but found I just could not, as I did not enjoy making fun of other women behind their backs….even someone I didn’t like…I didn’t like who I was with them. It’s some thing I’d like to write about but I might have to wait and see if I outlive them first (it’s a toss up as we are all about the same age 😹). My motto since them is The more you know me, the less you’ll like me….which is why online friends are ….easier.
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I must say that the delights of being a cat owner tend to escape me. It seems to have a lot of worry attached to it.
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Not as much as having children, I suppose, but yes. 🙂
A naughty cat can consume a lot of emotional energy.
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It is hard to imagine Skooter being a bad kitty and hissing. He is so kitty like in pictures. I am glad that Rhody does not roam about like a kitty does. I wold never stop worrying.
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